So, you're looking for a mentor...

Lessons I've learned from finding AND being a mentor.

Mentorship. It’s all the rage nowadays.

A good mentor is like having a really good therapist.

A bad mentor is like having Wayne Gretzky as a coach. (If you’re not an NHL fan, Gretzky is lauded as being one of the best to ever play hockey and was a notoriously TERRIBLE coach. Seriously, he’s basically a meme at this point for being the definition of underwhelming.)

Anyway, here’s what I learned from being a mentee and from becoming a mentor.

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Succeeding as a mentee

First and foremost, I have never asked someone “will you please be my mentor?”

In fact, even as a mentor myself, I don’t recall ever being approached in such a formal manner.

A mentor/mentee relationship, like all relationships, seems to be something that just naturally evolves over time. However, like with all relationships, you are not going to meet your soulmate by sitting home alone on the couch.

So, as my first piece of advice I suggest…

1. Putting yourself out there

Don’t wait for a mentor to find you. Identify people whose careers or skills align with your goals. Engage with their content, attend industry events, or reach out with a thoughtful message that shows you’ve done your research. A strong mentorship starts with mutual respect and alignment.

I know this isn’t as easy as I am making it sound, but seriously, good things in life will rarely just fall into your lap, so you’re going to need to be purposeful in your search. By spending time around people whose careers or skills align with where you want to be, you’re more likely to forge those relationships.

One of my mentors, Joe Reis, and I met when I attended one of his events for his book launch. I didn’t know anyone who was going to be there, and I felt really nervous, but I went anyway. We ended up having a great conversation and then kept in touch and became friends. Over the years he has always been very supportive of me, my writing, and my journey as a creator.

His success as a writer inspired me to push myself and execute on so many of my dreams. Which leads me to my second point…

2. Take Ownership

Nobody wants to mentor someone who floats around, constantly needing support and advice but not executing on any of it.

Mentorship isn’t just about receiving advice; it’s about implementing it. Show up with clear questions, goals, and updates on progress. Respect your mentor’s time by driving the conversation, following through on suggestions, and demonstrating that their guidance is making an impact.

Another mentor of mine, Jessica Iriarte, is not only the best manager I have ever had but she continues to mentor me in all aspects of my life. She taught me early on that our 1:1s were 1. going to be driven by me and 2. should not be about day-to-day work, but instead should be focused on my career growth.

She forced me to really reflect on where I was and whether what I was doing was aligned with where I wanted to be. By forcing me to take ownership of this narrative, she enabled me to grow in ways that took years for me to fully appreciate.

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Succeeding as a mentor

You’re probably seeing some spoilers for how I view my own journey as a mentor based on how I reflect on my time as a mentee.

Like most people, I didn’t wake up one day and decide “today, I shall become a mentor.”

Instead, it happened gradually. People started reaching out, asking for advice on career moves, writing, or breaking into data. At first, I didn’t think of it as mentorship, I was just answering questions. But over time, those conversations turned into relationships, and I realized I was playing the same role for others that my mentors had played for me.

And let me tell you: mentoring is just as much a learning experience as being a mentee.

So, if you find yourself in a position to mentor someone (or if you’re already doing it), here’s what I’ve learned along the way.