Just yesterday I caught myself negotiating with... myself: "You can watch that show after you finish these three more tasks." and then it turned into 8. UGH.
Over the last year I felt too stretched to really participate in social media of any kind. I would comment on LinkedIn here and there, but stopped writing there and here on Substack, stopped showing up to various Q&As/“Office hours” (these were “for fun”, not things I was committed to), didn’t spend much time or energy on various autism advocacy things (think I did one talk for a cohort of autistic folk). I was too scared about losing my job, while juggling parenthood and general physical and mental health things. I lost almost 50 pounds and regained like 35-40 of it.
I feel a modicum of additional security at work, but still not safe enough to do my best work, which requires more risk/big swings.
Home is always challenging, but we have sort of settled in to a new season with all of our kids in school, etc.
I have worked with a new psychiatrist who has helped in a lot of ways. I am not in a deep depression like last year, but it’s still a constant struggle. I also started working with a new therapist (my old one suddenly stopped seeing patients, that was exciting), so hopefully fresh perspective and approaches will help there.
I have tried to fix sleep with CPAP, meditation, cortisol control supplements, an electrotherapy device, etc. Work in progress, but am told that I don’t scream in my sleep anymore, so that’s progress! Hoping EMDR will help, too. TBD.
I have to exercise. It’s like my Everest. Having capacity to do unpleasant things is hard, and I haven’t found regular exercise I can do that is not unpleasant. Climbing to the uppermost section of ATT Stadium today was bearable and was likely the most exercise I’ve gotten in a while.
I lost the thread. Oh. Refilling! There’s a lot of focus I’ve put on reducing stressors, fixing physical and mental issues, etc. Exercise is a super direct thing I know can help. What I also know is that the more leisure time I spend with friends and family, the more I can build capacity back, and the more I feel like I can step off the treadmill. Having game nights, going on dates, doing local-but-novel things with kids (like ZooLights where zoo is decorated), that is the sort of thing that refocuses from fixing things that are broken or suboptimal onto what is good right now. My anxiety and trauma pull me to scary futures that don’t exist or amplified negative experiences in the past. Being right here is hard.
I guess this post struck a nerve. Good luck and Godspeed with finding recovery and capacity this year.
My wife and I joke about winning the lottery, though we never play. It’s nice to dream of effortlessly handling life’s responsibilities. The daily grind—working, eating, scrolling, sleeping—can feel draining. Real joy comes from chasing dreams, making loved ones laugh, and creating memories. Disconnecting from tech to truly connect with what matters most!
Just yesterday I caught myself negotiating with... myself: "You can watch that show after you finish these three more tasks." and then it turned into 8. UGH.
I just need to win the darn lotto Carly.
Let’s win the lotto together!
🤣🤣🤣 deal 🤝
Number of connections, number of likes, number of followers, number of posts. Guess which one of these will not be in your obituary?
Aye, thanks for this honesty! I feel all "content creators" burn out sooner or later.
I was feeling a bit like this as well, but now I am:
- playing Breath of the Wild
- seeing my friends more often
- stopped trying to have a romantic relationship
- made lists to make my house nicer in stead of career goal lists
- started the whole "try to be your own best friend" thing
So far, it's helping a bit 😊
P.S.
I took a two week LinkedIn break over Christmas, but I am came back with 2 posts/day 🥲
Over the last year I felt too stretched to really participate in social media of any kind. I would comment on LinkedIn here and there, but stopped writing there and here on Substack, stopped showing up to various Q&As/“Office hours” (these were “for fun”, not things I was committed to), didn’t spend much time or energy on various autism advocacy things (think I did one talk for a cohort of autistic folk). I was too scared about losing my job, while juggling parenthood and general physical and mental health things. I lost almost 50 pounds and regained like 35-40 of it.
I feel a modicum of additional security at work, but still not safe enough to do my best work, which requires more risk/big swings.
Home is always challenging, but we have sort of settled in to a new season with all of our kids in school, etc.
I have worked with a new psychiatrist who has helped in a lot of ways. I am not in a deep depression like last year, but it’s still a constant struggle. I also started working with a new therapist (my old one suddenly stopped seeing patients, that was exciting), so hopefully fresh perspective and approaches will help there.
I have tried to fix sleep with CPAP, meditation, cortisol control supplements, an electrotherapy device, etc. Work in progress, but am told that I don’t scream in my sleep anymore, so that’s progress! Hoping EMDR will help, too. TBD.
I have to exercise. It’s like my Everest. Having capacity to do unpleasant things is hard, and I haven’t found regular exercise I can do that is not unpleasant. Climbing to the uppermost section of ATT Stadium today was bearable and was likely the most exercise I’ve gotten in a while.
I lost the thread. Oh. Refilling! There’s a lot of focus I’ve put on reducing stressors, fixing physical and mental issues, etc. Exercise is a super direct thing I know can help. What I also know is that the more leisure time I spend with friends and family, the more I can build capacity back, and the more I feel like I can step off the treadmill. Having game nights, going on dates, doing local-but-novel things with kids (like ZooLights where zoo is decorated), that is the sort of thing that refocuses from fixing things that are broken or suboptimal onto what is good right now. My anxiety and trauma pull me to scary futures that don’t exist or amplified negative experiences in the past. Being right here is hard.
I guess this post struck a nerve. Good luck and Godspeed with finding recovery and capacity this year.
I love the balance of self-awareness with the "now what" conundrum. All I can say is meditate...liberation from the hamster wheel 🙏
I so resonate with this and so appreciate your honesty.
My wife and I joke about winning the lottery, though we never play. It’s nice to dream of effortlessly handling life’s responsibilities. The daily grind—working, eating, scrolling, sleeping—can feel draining. Real joy comes from chasing dreams, making loved ones laugh, and creating memories. Disconnecting from tech to truly connect with what matters most!
There is nothing to worry about. Nothing really matters anyways.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3hPP9IYvZLivEHm6fd9iaK?si=Cyo_EdJUR2ikvAJd_aIoQQ we turned this post into a podcast! Listen to me and Joe Reis discuss